America is in the midst of a dating recession. Almost two-thirds of young adults aren’t dating anyone seriously. But our friends stand apart. Nearly all of them are dating or happily married. It isn’t because they are uniquely attractive, socially adept, or prosperous. So what is the reason for their success? The answer is that our community—Orthodox Judaism—is heavily involved in making it easy for young adults to find their way to the chuppah, the Jewish wedding canopy.
Every few weeks, I, Ezra, along with my wife and several other young-couple friends, get together to discuss shidduchim—the Hebrew term for matchmaking. We order dinner, sit around the table, and talk about setting up our friends. Everyone comes prepared with a list of friends who are looking for a spouse, along with some basic biographical information: professional aspirations, personality and interests, and family background. We don’t conclude the meeting until we have thought of ten potential matches. Many of the ideas don’t pan out, but we’ve had our successes—including several marriages. This shidduchim group isn’t an outlier within the Orthodox Jewish community. These small groups are commonplace, and our community also sponsors robust initiatives such as YU Connects and Ambassadors of the Heart.
In fact, I was set up with my wife, Leora, through friends of my parents who thought it would be a good match and encouraged me to date her. While I was still engrossed in my undergraduate studies, friends of my mother would pitch ideas of potential matches, and Leora’s name was mentioned several times. This type of networking among mothers whose children are of marriageable age is commonplace in Orthodox Jewish communities.